Shuttle Atlantis

I was out of town when the Space Shuttle Atlantis land at Edwards Air Force Base. When we got back to work we were able to go down and see it while they were working on the turn around. Then this last Monday, June 1st they were getting ready to fly it back, and we were able to go out behind my building and take pictures of it loaded on the air plane getting ready to take off down the run way. It was so amazing to get so close. Have I mentioned before that I love my job?

Easter Lesson

So most of the time, I handle things pretty well. I can work on and complete scrapbooks of our time with our foster kid, tell people about the incident, and even think that everything is fine and I am healed. It seems however that if I am not expecting things that's when they surprise me. Looking on a map and seeing Alexandria listed as a city, or coming across photo's of the children in a file on my computer that I didn't expect. As Easter approached this year, I just really ignored it. Last Easter the kids had come up to our house for the first time and had met my family, colored Easter eggs and had an Easter egg hunt. Church was really difficult watching all the families with there children and remembering mine being there. If it hadn't had been for having to sing in choir and teach in primary, I would have stayed home. By the end of church it was all I could do to hold it together. Of course my husband could tell something was wrong, but when he asked me I told him I would tell him after church because if I tried to explain it, it would all come out. So on the way home I was really despondent because I didn't want to succumb to the pain and lose again. I got home and just went in and laid on my bed. I started thinking about the Easter lesson that I had taught the 9 year old's in primary that day. The atonement of Jesus Christ, how he had suffered all the sin, hurt and pain of the world so we could be clean and return to live with our heavenly father. Also I remembered teaching the students that Jesus always knows how we feel and is willing to take away our pain when we can't handle it anymore. I turned over in bed and pleaded with Him to take the pain away, that today I couldn't handle it anymore. And then it happened, it was gone, the hurt in the pit of my stomach, the ache of my heart, the quilt, it was all gone. I knew that it wouldn't be gone forever, but for this Easter Sunday, I could have a reprieve. I was able to get up and enjoy the rest of the Sabbath with Travis.
I am thankful for my testimony of the true gospel, for the knowledge of where to go when I can't handle it anymore.

Update

Sorry for not writing and updating sooner, we haven't had internet access at the house and my blackberry is really not the easiest to blog from.
The fertility treatments have stopped for now, we went back to the Dr in February and I had some cysts that they were concerned about, so they put me back on birth control for that cycle to clean things up. By the next cycle, Travis and I had done a lot of thinking, praying and discussing. We came to the conclusion that even though we are spending $2,000 a month on treatments, it's still Heavenly Fathers time line, and I felt like we were throwing the money away. So we are back to birth control so that all my other symptoms are under control. It has actually been an easy decision and I am glad that it was a decision that both Travis and I made together. I appreciate all the love, support, and prayers that my family and friends have given. Someday we will understand why things are the way they are.

Maybe next month

So I have been dreading this week. I knew that I had to make it all the way to Friday without starting my period so I could take a pregnancy test.
Pregnancy test are a hard thing for me. After 9 1/2 years of negative ones, the thought of having to take another is a daunting task.
So last night I started to spot and all the emotions of 9 1/2 years of trying came back. I know the Lord has a plan for me, I just wish I knew what it was so I could plan accourdingly.
So now we go back to the dr and try again. This journey is lonf and hard but I know that its worth it.

The Last Night

So tonight is the last night of my "youth". Not that I feel 30 is old, I guess I just always saw myself at a different place by the time I was 30. My Mom had all 5 of her kids by my age and Travis' Mom had 8 of hers. Most of my friends are sending their oldest to kindergarden and talking about having their 3rd or 4th.
I am greatful for my wonderful marriage and even thankful for the 9.5 years we have had to really get to know each other and learn to work well together. I think that it's fitting that as I leave my "roaring" 20's behind that I look forward to starting the next chapter hopefully with some good news on the baby front. Good bye youth, hello tomorrow

Everything is good

So at my Dr appt today he said that I have 4 follicules that are big enough to release eggs. He gave me my last injection to take tonight that will force me to ovulate. So we are instructed to have "fun" tonight and tomorrow then wait two weeks to see if it worked. Its been a long week and a half, and a really expensive one too. We figured we have spent approxemitly $1800. not including gas for the 2 hour, each way, trip. Thanks for all your prayers and keep them coming.

More Dr appt

So yesterday I went to the Dr again to have the levels checked out. He did an ultrasound and said things look good. He decreased my dosage a little, did some blood work and wants to see me Monday to check again. I'm very thankful for my best friend Becca for going with me. Travis had a basketball game he was coaching so she came with me. After Monday if the levels are good, then he will give me a shot to induce ovulation. Then we wait to see if it works.