So most of the time, I handle things pretty well. I can work on and complete scrapbooks of our time with our foster kid, tell people about the incident, and even think that everything is fine and I am healed. It seems however that if I am not expecting things that's when they surprise me. Looking on a map and seeing Alexandria listed as a city, or coming across photo's of the children in a file on my computer that I didn't expect. As Easter approached this year, I just really ignored it. Last Easter the kids had come up to our house for the first time and had met my family, colored Easter eggs and had an Easter egg hunt. Church was really difficult watching all the families with there children and remembering mine being there. If it hadn't had been for having to sing in choir and teach in primary, I would have stayed home. By the end of church it was all I could do to hold it together. Of course my husband could tell something was wrong, but when he asked me I told him I would tell him after church because if I tried to explain it, it would all come out. So on the way home I was really despondent because I didn't want to succumb to the pain and lose again. I got home and just went in and laid on my bed. I started thinking about the Easter lesson that I had taught the 9 year old's in primary that day. The atonement of Jesus Christ, how he had suffered all the sin, hurt and pain of the world so we could be clean and return to live with our heavenly father. Also I remembered teaching the students that Jesus always knows how we feel and is willing to take away our pain when we can't handle it anymore. I turned over in bed and pleaded with Him to take the pain away, that today I couldn't handle it anymore. And then it happened, it was gone, the hurt in the pit of my stomach, the ache of my heart, the quilt, it was all gone. I knew that it wouldn't be gone forever, but for this Easter Sunday, I could have a reprieve. I was able to get up and enjoy the rest of the Sabbath with Travis.
I am thankful for my testimony of the true gospel, for the knowledge of where to go when I can't handle it anymore.